Scent Library
Our Perfumes
SPRING 2024
Matcha Can't Catch Me! - Green, grassy, and creamy! Matcha with supporting notes of pungent bradford pear, fresh compost, cold black tea, honey, a hint of aluminum can, and delicate organic oat milk foam.
Bumblebee at a Tiny Tea Party - Honey sweetened chamomile tea served in uptuned lily of the valley blooms, tiny mushroom stools, dewy pillows of moss, a pea-sized strawberry and cream brioche sandwich, wholesome morning sunshine.
Aswan Cotton Candy Tadpole Temple Musk - Caramelized Egyptian Cotton Candy Accord, Blue Nile Sugar, Vanilla Shards, Hequet Spawn Musk, 100% Genuine Egyptian Tomb Honey Incense courtesy of the British Museum.
Obsessive Letter Written in the Menstrual Blood of a Scorned Lover - Powdered rose, jasmine, aged vellum, meat, blood, and sliver of iron.
All-Consuming Transdimentional Vulva - Ocean, ginger lily, black musk, eucalyptus, void
Marshmallow Twinkie Buttercream Cheesecake Kobalt - Egyptian Cereal Marshmallows, Our NA Exclusive Twinkie Accord, Whipped Butter, Cream, Vanilla Dregs, Bastet's Odor Absorbing Crystalline, Vanilla Bean Cheesecake, Kobalt
Bastet's Kitten Milk Cream Cheese Cotton Candy Melon Soda - Traditional Egyptian Cat Milk Cheesecake, Crystalline, Sandstone Vanilla, Cat Lady Accord (a blend with our Bastet's Clumping Multi-Cat, amoniated musk, and aged tobacco smoke), Cairo lychee spun sugar, Melon Soda, BIC
Bile-Spewing Con Artist - A Room Temperature McDonald's meal, makeup accord, stale urine, freshly printed $60 bibles, a hint of warm decay. Wear to get idiots to pay your legal fees.
Don't Bee Afraid to MisBeeHive - Boozy honey whiskey, a sticky bar, a smoke-filled curtain, cheap perfume, a fresh deck of playing cards, and a discrete bump of cocaine. Wear to unleash your seedier side!
Girl Dinner - Baby carrots, wheat thins, hummus, green grapes, a single Oreo, despair.
Three Small Mushrooms (Inspired by Treasure Mountain) - Orange flavored cough syrup, a warm 3.5 floppy disk, animal crackers, freshly cut grass, tiny flowers
Cronch! (inspired by Number Munchers) - I am so creative I can smell math. I used to play this game for hours since I would just smell all the juiciest numbers! Multiples of 10 are fruit punch Starburst, multiples of 3 are yummy lavender shortbread, multiples of 5 land somewhere between raspberry and rose, and zero is coconut latte!
You Have Died of Dysentery (inspired by Oregon Trail) - Did you ever wish you could escape into The Oregon Trail? Now you can regress to those times in your elementary school library and be whisked back in time. Notes of salty ox musk, smoked rabbit meat, moonshine, feverish body odor, hot diarrhea, and gunpowder, backed with a bouquet of wild native grasses and flowers.
Fill Tool Art (inspired by MS Paint) - Aggressively and beautifully synthetic, all the colors of the rainbow! This blend contains notes of warm computer air, lemon-lime soda, Trix cereal, Dr Pepper flavored lip balm, PB&J, and hot pink inflatable vinyl chair.
Flemoids! (inspired by Chex Quest) - Being a tender-souled empath, I played this instead of Doom. To represent the Flemoids, I created a unique flu-mucous accord just for this blend, which is gently subdued by notes of fortified corn, wheat, and rice, with a splash of cold milk and banana slices for a complete breakfast.
YULE 2023
Cozy Scandinavian Bullshit - Wool house shoes, almond streusel, cardamom buns, a roaring fire in a thatched cottage, little blonde rosy-cheeked children chugging mulled wine, a hint of fermented herring and pickled onions.
Ooh You Touch My Tra La La La La, La La La La - To continue with the Scandinavian theme, this is an olfactory tribute to an artist that has given me so much strength through dark times, Gunther and the Sunshine Girls, with a Christmas twist. A throbbing, sexual red musk, strawberry scented lubricant, prosecco, whipped cream, and pleather, with a wintery dash of feral fir needles and silver bells of peppermint singing 'my ding, ding dong".
Dognapper - Frito dog paws, peanut butter in a weathered Kong, a bad guy leather jacket. On the dusty, parched horizon arrives a stranger to the rescue. A long rider, an outlaw who roams the dusty plains and high end dance studios. Mare sweat accord and gunpowder, blended with our beloved 90's Mall Ghost (mischievous marshmallow laced with bright cardamom + burnt clove bud, soft, salty golden pretzels, a hint of twizzlers, the cool plastic of a busted gumball machine, movie popcorn crushed underfoot, black lipstick accord, soft violet perfume, broken dreams).
Haint Craves Sour Grapes - The perfect scent for jilted ex-girlfriends to wear in Paris as they spend on tens of dollars. Opens with the delicate scent of crocodile tears, then is enveloped by a heavy gush of laconic performative self-flagellation (represented here by condensed milk), a tart hit of verjus, and the ghost of a peppery vanilla.
2020 Goth - A warm blanket, infrequently washed and infused with a soft human musk, white powder makeup slowly going stale as the grave, the cheesy-composty scent of some DIY sourdough starter on a sunny shelf, sweet incense, and stale air.
Tens of Dollars - A giggling, contemptuous, pink musk, aggressive 'Red Hots' cinnamon, organic linen sheets bought with a few tens of dollars, fresh farmer's market flowers bought with a few more tens of dollars, and for just a couple more tens of dollars, the occasional sandwich made with local, stone-ground sourdough bread, and accompanied by a probiotic beet and goat cheese salad.
Manger - Not like other Christmas Scents! This is a photorealistic atmospheric Christmas perfume like you've never experienced. Cool night air, fresh hay, warm plops of donkey excrement, 100% unprocessed wool (still on the sheep), and dry barn wood, cut with frankincense resin and the finest smoldering myrrh.
I'm Just Ten - Cause I'm just Ten, anywhere else I'd be still be ten, is it my destiny to live and die a life of inconsequentiality? I'm just Ten. Where I see cash, she sees nuthin'. What will it take for her to see the sum of lots of me in her hand? Blending notes of plastic, dirty cash, and a sparkling ozone note to represent digital payments, we've distilled all that Tenergy into glass bottles, which you can exchange for tens of dollars.
Eggnog Seaslug - NA Egyptian mucus accord, Cairo Vanilla Bullshittery, Vanilla Jerk, NA's exclusive Egyptian Captain Morgan absolute, Thoth's Eternal Nutmeg essence, honestly I don't even know anymore.
Taint - Tender Goochmeat accord, our exclusive night-blooming hemorrhoids, a pale luminous musk, and a salty crust of glittering spite.
A Pubic Louse With an MLM Starter Kit - Lavender and eucalyptus essential oils, polyester accord, catalog ink, chardonay, and powder makeup.
Krampuslust - The phenomena in which women in rural alpine villages were said to go mad with frenzied lust over the Krampus costumes. It is considered to be the earliest known record of the furry community. Old world gingerbread, candied lemon peel, brandy, and lashings of sweet red wine.
FALL 2030
Desolation of the Gourd - The overripe flesh of a pumpkin, grown on the earth-shrowded crumbling bones of Black Death victims, roots leaching trace minerals from the remains, ash from a burning village, ghostly veils of spiderwebs, sheer garlands of the crypt, the pain of souls long departed.
Reeses Feces - Like trick-or-treating in a barnyard! Creamy peanut butter candies, black jelly beans (or...isn't there a rabbit here?), chocolate tootsie rolls flecked with candy corn, circus peanuts, a compostable mélange of equine and bovine feces accords, ammonia, chicken musk, and dry alfalfa.
Shades of Death Rd, PA - Amish butter, apple cider donuts, pear danishes, crunchy leaves, oily shale, fracking chemicals, the faintest remnant of burning coal.
A Spell for Restoration - A sweet, tiny honeynut squash roasted in maple sugar and brown butter, and sprinkled with pie spice, lavender chamomile tea in the Disney World mug you got when you were 9, a throw blanket that smells like warm kitty fur, the warm, plastic buzz of your TV after marathoning every episode of every vaguely spooky Netflix show for teens, the musky scent of unwashed hair.
Honey Craves Chocolate Starfish - Dark, musky honey, fudgy chocolate and nut clusters, warm brown musk, and clean cotton.
You're Not Invited - The kind of party the chronically online never know. Clove cigarettes, fog machine, boozy strawberry jello shots, cherry-scented fake blood, pretzel sticks, bourbon spiked cider, cold autumn earth, bonfire smoke and swirling leaves.
Bastet's Litterbox Ghost - Our famous Sapphire Coprolite Accord, swirled with an aged batch of Bastet's Clumping Multicat, a drop of ghostly vanilla fleck infused with tomb wraith essence (not vegan), Waxy Egyptian Tootsie Rolls, and a drop of Cairo white pumpkin absolute.
I Saw Goody Proctor with the Tender Goochmeat - Raw red musk, dragon's blood, night blooming hemorrhoids, crushed violets, hellfire. (thanks halforc)
GENERAL CATALOG
90s Mall Ghost^ - mischievous marshmallow laced with bright cardamom + burnt clove bud, soft, salty golden pretzels, a hint of twizzlers, the cool plastic of a busted gumball machine, movie popcorn crushed underfoot, black lipstick accord, soft violet perfume, broken dreams.
A Woman Engaging in Sexual Acts with an Oyster* - Crushed abalone accord, three kinds of grapefruit (white, red, and pink), crushed sea salt, ocean brine, lemon, cucumber, and a soft vanilla musk.
Alice's Adventures - What's an indie perfume house without Alice? Starting with swirls of opium smoke, buttery shortbread, tea, cream, an assortment of colorful cakes, flowers that start sweet and turn nasty, and heaping mouthful of earthy magic mushrooms.
Apples Crave Doobies - Tart Washington apples, silver kush, ribbons of burnt caramel sprinkled with Pacific sea salt, spruce tip infused ice cream, and a touch of forest loam
Apples Craves Drum Circles - A big dose Aunt Moonbow's backyard indica, hazy homebrewed hard apple cider, dark aged patchouli, nag champa, cumin, turmeric, drum leather, forest floor
Basic Bitch Bonfire - Lightly toasted vanilla marshmallows, spiced apple cider, decaying leaves, bonfire smoke, and a chill of fall air.
Bastet's Egyptian Eternal Egypt - Egyptian Vanilla Bean, Egyptian Vanilla Fleck, Egyptian Vanilla Husk, Egyptian Vanilla Leaf, Egyptian Cinnamon Stick, Egyptian Cedar, Egyptian Sandalwood, Egyptian Honey, Egyptian Amber Resin, Egyptian Sandstone Accord, Egyptian Cream Soda, Egyptian Velveeta, Egyptian Crystalline Methamphetamine, Egyptian Tomb Curse Accord, Egyptian Mummy Paste, Egyptian Vanilla Fleck Incense, Egyptian Circus Peanut, Egyptian Wank Essence gathered by hand by AA's exclusive Egyptian Soothsayers, Alchemists, and Sorcerers
Bavarian Festival - Beer braised German bratwurst sausages, smothered in onions, sauerkraut, and extra sharp brown mustard.
Black BooBoo Kitten Cauldron Noel - Our Black amber accord with a spash of valhalla bean noel, strawberry spun sugar, lemon cream cheese frosting, sugar-crusted jam filled strawberry cake mix cupcakes, vanilla milkshake, and pumpkin marshmallow fluff.
Bog of Eternal Stench - Decaying plant matter, swamp gas, fungal spores, slimy pond scum, your childhood love for this movie
Cardamama - The mother of all cardamom. Green cardamom pods, black cardamom seeds, and white cardamom essence, over a pillowy soft bed of steamed jasmine rice, white musk, and literally 10lbs of white sugar.
Drain Snake - 15 year old snake oil from our secret stash where we keep all the "out of stock" items, fermented human hair, mildew, coconut scented conditioner, and a hint of bleach.
Durian Crystalized Musk - TA Exclusive Egyptian durian accord, durian fleck, Cairo green onion essence, Egyptian vanilla petals, Horus' cloaca musk
Elizabeth Bishop^ - An austere but slightly lighthearted blend that is at once grounded and breathtakingly beautiful. A grey, softly aquatic musk, not stone-like, which I call musk 62, gives way to a plethora of fruit notes, with just a hint of leather and hay-like coumarin to cut the sweetness, all to create the impression of silk dancing in moonlight or the caught fish from her most famous poem. Fruity but not tooth-achingly sweet. Movement. Light.
Elon Musk - Private jet exhaust fumes, sun warmed goat cheese, dirty pennies, rage sweat, faint whispers of Cheeto and Mountain Dew from his neckbeard army, booze, and new car musk.
Enable Me - A trip down the rabbit hole. Fantasy and nostalgia will draw you in, addiction and social interaction will make you stay. A light airy vanilla, hints of spun sugar, fresh donuts, a black iron cauldron bubbling with caramel apple cider, pink and black peppercorns, pipe tobacco, a foody and lovable patchouli, a wool blanket, and of course, a pinch of salt and clove.
Eternal Embalming Fluid* - MMA Mummy Bandage Accord (Egyptian Vanilla Bean, House-made Lemon Accord, Cucumber Accord, DA Myrrh, Jesus-Approved Frankincense Resin), BA Black Linen Accord (Dirt from a Pharaoh's Tomb, MBA Scorching Sand Accord, Mummified Vanilla Bean) with our DDS Studio Limited Original Never Before Seen and Never To Be Released Again Specialty Black Amber, sourced straight from Alexandria and Cairo by our beloved N/A Alchemist.
Fairgound Cliche - Funnel cakes dusted with powdered sugar, candied apples because you always see those at fair grounds, right?, kettlecorn, spun sugar, a curl of incense from the fortune teller's tent.
Foricae - Ancient Rome's public toilets. 100% vegan ammonia and feces accords, a sea sponge on a stick, a bucket of brine for washing the sponge, sprigs of rosemary held across one's nose.
Frivolous Lace Brasserie - A vintage daydream of night-blooming jasmine, peppery carnations, pink Bulgarian tea roses, lemon creme accord, a dalliance of late spring greens, blushing pink areola musk, pheromones developed by the pork industry, and a glowing skin-like white amber.
Gingerbread Shitshow - This a perfume for when you kicked out of the whorehouse and the crackhouse for being too spicy. We've combined 37 different musks, including a dark feral animal-ass musk, a giggly orgasmic pink musk, and a slinky fur-like cashmere musk, with 4 or 5 voluptuous vanillas, 4 kinds of ginger, and a can of bear mace.
Hákarl - Our vegan take on this traditional Icelandic dish has notes of ocean, ammonia, and a vegan shark meat accord, served with cabbage and berries.
Holly Days - A completely original blend for every craft store ho ho ho! Mesh bags of cinnamon-spiced, glitter crusted pinecones, fir needles strewn across a living room floor, mulled wine scented candles because who has time to mull wine, and fruit cake festooned with candied ginger and orange peel that you buy every year despite it's being full of disappointment.
Honey Craves A Dank Spot - Pale golden honey, Cotton Candy Kush, moss-covered fir and cedar trees, a cool stream, wild blackberries, forest fungi, sweet earthy patchouli, and a worn canvas backpack
Hospital Musk - Rubbing alcohol, sterile latex gloves, iodine, the metallic pong of blood, and a glowing green antiseptic musk
I Was A Pageant Baby Once+ - cotton candy, pink lipstick and blush powder, silk hair bow accord, patent leather shoe polish and metal taps, nervous anticipation, and a pearly white grin.
Introvert's Delite - 70s paperback novels, ancient leather in a locked case, dust, a mug of tea, a wool scarf, and fluffy cat fur. A perfume for those who feel other people smiling at them in passing is as revolting and invasive as a wet willy.
Joycian Love Letters - An ode to all of Nora's dearest little farts, big wet jolly farts, darting little hot farts, long squeaky farts, gentle airy farts, a slight stain on frilly linen drawers, the fervent goatish musk of a man's swollen desire.
Kitten Toe Beans - The comfy, soothing, sensory delights of inside. Soft, downy puffs of kitten fur, chamomile tea, high-strung camphorous lavender scented kitty litter, a hint of Fancy Feast, stacks of vintage anime VHS tapes, diet cola, and fur suit musk.
Komodo Dragon Fruit Roll-Up - A dirty, blood-soaked reptilian musk, frothy ropes of tangy saliva, jungle greenery, and a melange of aggressively artificial fruits, strawberry, blue raspberry, cherry, and concord grape.
Kush Craves College Campuses* - Freshly-dried cannabis bud, Natural Light accord, spilled Coca Cola on an important exam accord, a saltwater tear, and a drop of vanilla ice cream.
Menarche - Our youngling is growing up. To celebrate, we have created this limited edition blend to allow our fans to share in our child's coming of age. Notes of warm metallic cherry-flavored costume blood, pubescent skin musk, fresh cotton pads, and the innocence of spun sugar and a powdery sample-sized deodorant.
Millennial Hipster Housewife - Worn suede, cilantro, cucumber, sea salt, goats milk soap, mid century art books, breathy meanderings about aesthetics and culture, bodies and spaces, motherhood and power, colonialism and redemption. A warm glow of moneyed smugness, tempered with the grounded scent of organic potting soil and quietly luxurious linen. A child’s sticky hand. A young nanny, mousy and non-threatening, smelling of apple juice and Kashi cereal.
Mistress Sugarpussy - A pink leather whip, frothed honey, cotton candy, smashed cake, salty, sweaty musk, ambergris, sundew nectar, venus fly traps, tender, feminine petals.
Mochi Matcha Boba Taro Pandan Milk Bread Latte - Powdery, sugary matcha mochi, taro bubble tea, fluffy pandan cake, milk bread filled with melon creme, and frothy coconut milk. Is there anything we missed?
Monster Mash - Booooo! Halloween is here! We’ve brewed up a concoction capable of black magic. Engorged ovary of malus tree (apple), Apoidea Anthropila vomit (honey), Illicium verum fetus (star anise), the flayed skin of Cinnamomum verum, extraction of deer anal glands (musk), Commiphora myrrha blood, rare Mexican vine gonads (vanilla orchid).
Mummy Sultana Amber - Polygon Vanilla (Egyptian vanilla fleck, Cairo vanilla creme accord, Luxor Cheesecake CO2 extract, Nile-fed vanilla pods), House of GPA Sultana (rarest sandalwoods from Egypt, India, and Arabia blended with sacred oils harvested from Pharonic tombs), Bastet's Hairball Musk (Egyptian vanilla orchid, Alexandrian vanilla pod husks, Eternal casheme musk, Ammoniated jasmine accord), fossilized gingersnaps, Admin Amber (Royal amber base, Egyptian papyrus tax records, ink absolute, Luxor style caramel macchiato musk), more vanilla fleck (hand flecked by NGO's exclusive Egyptian priest of Thoth), mummified Alexandrian grapes
My Soul is an Antique Library But My Heart is a YA Netflix Drama - Thousands of dusty, leather-bound volumes full of the outdated ideals of dead cis-hertro white males, a porcelain cup of earl grey and a crumbling scone, a cashmere throw and the soft patter of rain against the window, the familiar static warmth of an overheating laptop, joined by the shimmering snap of a freshly opened can of La Croix and the ghosts of Sweet Chili Doritos.
Naked Mole Rat - Sun-baked earth, freshly dug tunnel air, rat testicle fur, scatole, warm crepe-y skin, tangled roots, subterranean vanilla
Nostalgia Bait - Those big square chunks of 90's mango flavored bubblegum, rubber Koosh balls, blue glittery lipgloss, buzzing fluorescent lights, petty theft from CVS musk
Not A Regular Mom, A Cool Mom - Juicy velour tracksuit, boob job surgical wrappings, pink sugar, tequila, cranberry, tanning oil, new car, vanilla vodka, desperation.
Oh, You Precious Bitch... - All the dainty and tender things, wholesome, cozy, and comforting. Lavender London fog with extra creamy oat milk, chunky knit beige cashmere blankets, classic novels read so many times the pages are soft as baby rabbits' ears, steaming rice pudding with a hint of cardamom and toasted almond, pillowy white marshmallows, and shelves of tender little house plants in vintage tea cups, the palest beeswax-like white amber, all bathed in the soft golden glow of an October afternoon in a secluded thatched cottage surrounded by gardens of tiny, low-lying flowers and giant mossy stones.
Parasitic Wasp Larvae - Fatty, undulating, gobs of a rich, laconic vanilla, a brittle black roach exoskeleton, spicy like anise and brittle like burnt sugar, an earthy, fleshy, musk, with a sinister shot of tomb black patchouli to symbolize death, rebirth, and the brutal regenerative power of nature. Wear to enhance your abilities to leach off the efforts of others.
Patates Lemonates - Soft, pillowy yellow potatoes, marinated overnight in lemon, garlic, and oregano, roasted, and then doused in uncut house-made garlic oil. Guaranteed that everyone in the room will notice you.
Peaches Crave 420 - Luscious peaches stewed with cannabutter and bourbon, orange pound cake, an all day marathon with all our cannabis accords, fresh ginger, Roman chamomile, coumarin, heady locust flowers, and very chill skin musk.
Polycarbonate Dung Beetle - Starting with a base of our famous Sapphire Coprolite, we added Egyptian Vanilla Husk, Egyptian Vanilla Fleck, Egyptian Corn Fleck, Egyptian Roast Turkey Dinner Husk, Egyptian Play Dough Absolut, Bastet's Clumping Multi-Cat, and a touch of Pharonic Flatulence Accord
Pumpkin Taken to the ER with COVID Screaming About 5G to Nurses - Has the pumpkin gotten into enough trouble? I don't think so! Not only is our pumpkin still on the sauce, it's now gotten into Q Anon as well! It's gone and fallen off the front deck during a coughing fit at its cousin's house during Thanksgiving dinner. Fleshy gobs of slightly rotting pumpkin soaked in 2-day old domestic pilsner, cigarettes, Ivermectin, exhaust fumes, and a very unique Wal-Mart scooter musk used exclusively for this blend.
Rococo Dressing Room - A stunning silk-like accord is both etherial and grounded, a puff of pink powder, French country sunshine dappling a frilly corset, a rare dutsy rose musk, the suggestion of strawberry petit fours enrobed in a citrus flower glaze, a dose of that fat vanilla sugar note Gussets is famous for, a hint of animalic musk and cumin, and a microscopic nano-drop of our chewiest, most luxurious iron-distiled Indonesian patchouli.
Sarcastic Fringehead - Azure oceanic waters, seaweed accord, dried coconut flesh, citrus groves, white sand. Wear to attract sarcasm and side-eye looks and inspire confusion in others.
School Bus Crush - A scent to capture that youthful longing for the boy with the K-Pop hair named Kayle Brooklyn-Jacobsson who runs track and plays the drums for a band called Gender Corpse at the Unitarian church's annual youth group battles of the bands. Lilith, even if you didn't ask for the publicity, you got this. Clean laundry, lemon-lime Gatorade, fresh cut grass, a hint of sock, dirt clods.
Sonnet's Romantic Beginning, or Whatever* - An ode to Shakespearean love poems. You'll be the bard at the bar! Sweet, woodsy bourbon, white amber, pine needles (look closely...you might see some of them in the bottle!), Atlantic sea salt, salted caramel, cashmeran, and ISO E Super.
Spooky Silly Fruit Bat Sweater - All the nom noms for spooky season! An orange pumpkin shaped bucket full of Halloween candy, buttery pumpkin pie, gooey gloppy pumpkin scented marshmallow s'mores with gluten free graham crackers, a mug of caramel pumpkin spice latte, fluffy bat fur, and an oversized vintage sweater.
Springtime Dalliance Alchemy - A floral bouquet of lilac, hyacinths, daffodil, peony, lily, cherry blossom, a bunch of herbs you have never heard of in any context ever, shrill white jasmine tea, crystal clear spring water, a pale blue-green detergent musk.
Strawberries Crave a Party Break - Sweet strawberries, tequila, Pineapple Express in a sleek vape, nectars of nicotina and ylang ylang, iridescent pink musk, key lime, cocoa butter, sand, dry dune grasses, and salty ocean
Strawberries Crave Hotboxing Before the Show - Strawberry Icee, red licorice whips, a pink glass bubbler packed with Strawberry Cough, buttered popcorn, chocolate nonpareils, carpet cleaner and neon lights
Striped Skunk - Tendrils of burning tire smoke, singed human hair, half-smoked joints left overnight in warm beer, a powerful animalic musk, and an oily backdrop of sun-warmed trash juice. Wear to ward off confrontation and assert your dominance.
The Pearl-Colored Labia of the Sea Peach - Moist peach flesh, ambergris, a seashell full of warm milk, white musk
The Profound Sorrow of Greatness Denied - A hillside, brown with autumn and decay, a novel you heart aches to impose upon the world. Notes of crumbling mascara, overdue library books full of existential odes, dying flowers sent by a lover long-ignored, and soft breeze across dry grass.
This Desolate Place is Full of Treasures of the Heart - Familiar ghosts gone to seed, the scent of happy times as filtered through the graying lens of time and decay. A childhood abandoned suddenly as civilization crumbled before the advancing plague; strawberry scented dolls, a box of rainbow crayons, finger paint, sugary cereal milk, cut with a splash of gasoline and hot rubber fumes.
Tomcat^ - Muddy pawprints under an abandoned porch, rain-soaked cedarwood, matted fur musk, traces of blackberry brambles, damp cardboard accord, chilled whiskey, dusky tobacco, a single drop of cream, and a faint memory of garden mint. Wear this potent blend to attract pointed attention and to feel your personal power.
Vampire Edge Queen - Splatters of warm, metallic blood, cabernet, steaming entrails, clammy dead flesh, rusty iron gates, graveyard soil permeated with decay, stone angels, tattered lace, a thousand years worth of filthy loose change.
Vanilla Craves Fat Blunts - A dry smoky vanilla, Black & Milds, an 8th of your friend's brother's homegrown, a wool blanket infused with campfire smoke, a base of warm skin musk.
Victorian Kitten Fur Muff - A garden of Victorian holly bushes, a polished wooden sleigh, peppermint candy ribbons, blackcurrant tea, a rose-scented wool cloak, a fluffy white muff made out of the fur of 15 identical white kittens, and a soft dusting of snow.
Viper Cervix - Aged Snake Oil, vulvar musk, lime flavored popping candy. Limited quantity (but you might be able to find a few bottles on eBay for $200 after they 'sell out' *wink wink*)
Walrus & Carpenter - Fresh, briney oysters, seaweed absolute, crashing breakers, a sun-bleached driftwood shack, lemon juice, grey-green wafts of low tide, and walrus musk.
Witchtober Sweaterween - A totally unique and original fall scent reminiscent of your favorite mall candle store. Notes of warmly spiced pumpkin flesh, toasted marshmallow, dollar store vanilla body spray, a snuggly sweater, and crunchy fall leaves.
You're A Virgin Who Can't Drive - Chlorinated mall fountain water, bubblegum, gardenia, heliotrope, a girly yellow 90's musk, the tiniest hint of cannabis, diet cola, white new car leather, blackened Pillsbury cookies, Paul Rudd's hacky sack